Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
