Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize