Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
