well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
