Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
