At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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