hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
