I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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