Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
