apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
