everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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