i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
