Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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