dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
