I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize