I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
