pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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