God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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