oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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