I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
