My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
