i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
