I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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