atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
