your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
