My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
