the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
