I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You were trust falling into bushes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
