That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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