I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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