Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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