Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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