mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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