This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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