To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
