We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
