I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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