he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
