Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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