how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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