they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
