We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
