Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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