i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
