and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
