im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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