Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
