We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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