i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
