i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im holly from the hills drunk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
