WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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