C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
