When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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