I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
