so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I sprained my soul last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
