wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
