I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
