My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
