I am midnight drunk by noon
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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