Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
