The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
