I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
