weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would punch a child for taco bell
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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