normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
