yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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