You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you never un-have a 4some
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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