At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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