you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
