I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
