Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
