I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize