I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
