Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize