ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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