hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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