So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize