I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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