Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
