I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
