I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
