is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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