Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
