it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
