"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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