since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
