I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
