he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
