Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
