i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
