Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
and you fell through a lawn chair
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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