Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
