Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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